God’s Precept: His Instruction for Marriage (Genesis 2:18-24)
The man and the woman are created in God’s image to rule the earth for God; the man is created first and
is given ultimate responsibility for the marriage relationship, while the woman is placed alongside the man as his “suitable helper.” Just as an earthly king sets up his statues around the kingdom to declare his dominion and rule, so God placed His image in man and set him to rule as His representative. They, in their distinct roles (complementarian), are to rule the earth together, as one unit, as God’s representatives.
Genesis 2:18 – Against the sevenfold statement “God saw that it was very good,” the divine observation (for the first time) that man’s situation was not good and complete should draw our attention. The reason God instituted marriage (other than to shadow Christ and His Church) was for the purpose of companionship.
Elsewhere helper/help usually refers to divine assistance, but is used in three prophetic passages of military aid (Isaiah 30:5; Ezekiel 12:14; Hosea 13:9). To help someone does not imply that the helper is stronger than the helped; simply that the latter’s strength is inadequate by itself (Joshua 1:14; 10:4; 10:6; I Chronicles 12:17, 19, 21, 22). The help looked for is not just assistance in his daily work or in the procreation of children, but the mutual support and companionship another person provides.
Genesis 2:19-20 – Despite God’s identification of man’s need, there is a delay in his provision: contrast the instantaneous fulfillment of the divine Word in chapter one. This hold-up creates suspense. It allows us to feel man’s loneliness. All the animals are brought before him, and we see him looking at each on in the hope it would make a suitable companion for man (Gordon Wenham). “Helper” entails his inadequacy, not her inferiority, for elsewhere the term is used of God and the Holy Spirit. Also, it should be noted that man does not find His significance or satisfaction in work (naming the animals), but in the companionship of His wife.***
Genesis 2:21-22 – Something was taken from Adam in order that he might embrace with greater benevolence a part of himself. Just as Adam laid down his life, so did Christ. Just as something was taken from Adam to make Eve – we were given life as Christ imparted His life to us.
Genesis 2:23 – in verse 23 we see man’s first poem.
Notice three points in God’s Precept or Instruction for Marriage:
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother or “Leave.”
In the Hebrew, the word means to “leave behind” or “depart from.”
This does not mean a mere geographical move. This is leaving one authority, not the abandonment of your parents/relatives (Deuteronomy 4:9; I Timothy 5:8).
In marriage we must distinguish between permanent and temporary relationships.
The call to leave is a call to make your marriage relationship your primary human relationship – this is where your first priority and privilege is found. Your wife did not marry your friends, softball, your work, four walls and five kids, video games, etc. Your spouse married you to find companionship from you.
You should not be dependent upon your parents financially, emotionally (going “home” in the midst of conflict), or authoritatively.
And hold fast to his wife or “Cleave.”
Cleave means to stick or to weld together. This phrase suggests both passion, difficulty, and permanence. God uses terms with Israel like “forsake” and “stick or cleave” (Deuteronomy 10:20; 11:22; 13:5).
Marriage is based on a covenant NOT circumstances (love, sex, handicap, finances).
“So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God” (Proverbs 2:16-17). Read Malachi 2:13-16 with an emphasis on verse 14 (your wife by covenant). Give an example of Jay and Jenna’s wedding and how something Holy, Eternal, and Sacred was happening there when the vows were being said.
“Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another” (I Thessalonians 4:9). Our understanding of God’s love for us will govern our love for one another. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him (A sovereign act of God’s will; a choice). In this is love, not that we have loved God (we did not deserve it, earn it, or initiate it and were not required to reciprocate to receive it) but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (I John 4:7-12 - italics my comments).
Therefore love is not feeling, but choice
Love is not convenience or feeling-driven, but obedience to God and choice-driven.
Not about compatibility, but about covenant.
And they shall become one flesh or “Weave.”
They become related to one another as brother and sister. The laws in Leviticus 18 and 20, and possibly Deut. 24:1-4 illustrate the application of this kinship-of-spouses principle to the situation following divorce or the death of one of the parties.
Marriage is to share the same goals, motives, mission, and commitment to growth. This is why only believers are to marry believers (I Corinthians 7).
Why discuss the role of husbands in marriage?
The Man’s Ultimate Responsibility for the Marriage and the Wife’s Role as His “Suitable Helper.”
The apostle Paul’s comments on Genesis 1–3 repeatedly root the man’s primary responsibility in the family (as well as in the church) in the fact that he was created first. Not only does Paul draw attention to the fact that the man was created first, but he also notes that it is not the man who was made for the woman, but the woman for the man (1 Cor. 11:9; cf. Gen. 2:18, 20) and from the man (1 Cor. 11:8, 12; cf. Gen. 2:22). Moreover, the man was the one who received the divine command (Gen. 2:16-17), was presented with the woman (2:22), and named the woman with a name derived from his own (2:23; cf. 3:20), which also implies his authority.
God’s creation of Eve demonstrates that God’s plan for Adam’s marriage,
as well as for all subsequent marriages, involves a monogamous
heterosexual relationship. God only made one “suitable helper” for Adam, and she was female. What is more, it was God who perceived Adam’s aloneness and hence created the woman. The biblical text gives no indication that Adam himself was even conscious of being alone or discontent in his singleness. Rather, God is shown to take the initiative
in fashioning a compatible human companion for the man. For this reason it can truly be said that marriage is God’s idea and that it was God who made the woman of his own sovereign will as a “suitable helper” for the man (Gen. 2:18, 20) - (Kostenberger).
How Does This Work with Husbands:
It is important to understand individual roles in marriage because if Satan can destroy the home and distort God’s intention for marriage – he destroys our view of the Gospel.
Leaving, cleaving, and weaving happens when the husband becomes a learner, lover, and leader.
The husband is to LEARN his wife (1Peter 3:7). Before you can lead and love, you must learn. “I just cannot understand women” might be true, but to say that about your wife is unbiblical. We must be understanding of her concerns, needs, fears, spiritual well-being.
A command, not a suggestion.
A command that takes time daily.
A command that takes study.
A command to treat her as fragile
A command that affects your spiritual life. Things cannot be “bad” with your wife and simultaneously “good” with God.
The husband is to LOVE his wife (Ephesians 5:25-33). You lead by loving by learning.
Remember the Biblical definition of love in I John 4? Love is a choice or act of the will where the other person is not deserving or expected to reciprocate.
Husbands are to love first (I John 4:19), most quantitatively (John 15:13), sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25; John 3:16).
We love not by what we say or intend, but what we do. “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth” (I John 3:18).
Do you serve your spouse so they will serve you? We should love in spite of reciprocation and without the motive to be served in return. Look at the rejection Christ faced by His own people and those He called friends (John 1:11; John 15:15).
The husband is to LEAD his wife (Genesis 1:26; 2:18-25; Ephesians 5:23; Matthew 20:25-28).
The order of creation and the pattern for Christ’s Church establishes the husband’s role as leader (I Timothy 2:13; Ephesians 5:22-33).
God declared the husband to be the leader (Ephesians 5:23).
Leadership is about authority expressed through servitude (READ Matthew 20:25-28).
The greatest example to husbands is Jesus. The greatest example of leadership is Jesus. There is a difference between being a Pharaoh and a Shepherd (proud/humble; no accountability/seeks accountability; makes decisions without counsel/seeks counsel; wants to be served/looks for opportunities to serve; selfish motives/motive to please God).
APPLICATION QUESTIONS:
Sit down together. Pray together.
1) Share with your spouse what you appreciate about him/her
2) Share with your spouse how God has used him/her in your life
3) Share with your spouse an area where you feel unappreciated or criticized by him/her
4) If you could change three things about me that you believe would make me more Christ-like, what would they be?
5) Do I have annoying mannerisms or irritating idiosyncrasies that you would like to see me change?
6) On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate our marriage?
7) What would it take to make our marriage a ten?
8) If we could go on a date and we could do anything you desired, what would we do. Could I call Brian and Staci or Kemp and Linda to ask them to keep our children while we go on this date in the next month?
9) Do you have any needs or desires that you believe I ought to be meeting or fulfilling better than I do? What are they?
10) How could I better serve you around the home?
11) Are there habitual sin patterns you see in my behavior, communication, and desires that I am blind to?
12) Is there an area I can help you grow?
13) Will you remind me to pray with you every day (dinner doesn’t count)?
WILL YOU GUYS COMMIT TO LEARNING ONE ANOTHER??? MANY OF YOU PARENTS SHOULD GO ON THIS DATE AND ASK SIMILAR QUESTIONS OF YOUR CHILDREN. You might be surprised what you children perceive you to be, but will not speak because you are not humble enough to listen?? Just a thought J
I will be asking around this week and next to see if you all have followed through with applying what you heard today. Love you all – Pastor Brian
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